Good Arms Versus Bad Arms

I just finished watching Winter Passing. The same movie Patrick and I watched on our first date. He took me out to dinner - we had sushi. Then, we went back to his place and watched Winter Passing on his pull out bed/couch. We didn’t touch. Afterward, we stretched, and I laid down. He shortly after laid down next to me. We kissed. And then we kissed again. And then he played Radiohead. And we kissed for two hours on this couch. And on our way back driving to my car, we held hands in his car with the automatic seat belts. That was more than a year ago. I feel different lately. I feel sad. But I also feel… lighter. Spending the majority of these past three days in my room has done me some good, I believe. I’ve had a lot of time to think, to remember. Right now, everything is in a good place in my room. It feels good to leave the DVD in the DVD player. I like the way my papers and receipts are scattered over my desk. Things have started to pile. I have various candles all next to each other on the same desk. One is lit. This music is more than fitting. My bed is unmade and I look unkempt and it is dark. The candle is illuminating this side of the room. It is just the right light. Everything is fine where it’s at.

I’m going to go to Border’s and buy a good book and read it. Lately, I’ve been reading nonfiction, and I could use some fiction right now. And scarves and hats and shoes and warm things are nice to wear.

I can’t wait to see Sam and talk with her about everything.

1. I’m wearing dirty clothes
2. I need to get in my car and go somewhere other than here
3. I should start baking/cooking more often
4. I would like a new camera

“I barely have the motivation to say I suffer from a lack of serotonin.”

I need to get out of this rut. I need, I need.

I need to stop moping.